My mom turned 80 today. She is not around anymore to celebrate that.
She was a feisty kid brought up in Kolkata for her formative years. She did extremely well especially in that haloed subject , Maths or Kanakku as all TamBrahms know it. She always got 100 out of 100.
World War 2 arrived and Kolkata was not considered safe anymore So my Grandpa sent his family back to his village when she was around 12 years old. Since the village did not have a secondary school, her education stopped after 8th standard. She was soon married off and that put an end to any expression of her feistiness as well.
Soon she was in Delhi and then at the age of eighteen my dear brother Ganesh was born. Two years later Ramesh and then another five years later, moi arrived. Looking after the brood in addition to unmarried sister in laws, father inlaws and motherless nieces meant that my mother had no breathing time. All this changed by the time I was three. Our fortunes also seemed to have changed since I don't remember any tough times which my brothers sometimes recall.
My mother brought me up to think that I was as good as my brothers. I had no concept of gender inequality and still cannot relate to it on a very personal level. My husband is an opionated person, but equally unfair to all genders. my son is actually a firm believer and practices gender equality. he goes dutch irrespective of the dining companion's gender. If there is peep about them paying, he gladly accepts. I have also learnt that lesson from him. Now back to my mom.
She was fearless. My father shifted to become a professor in Mumbai. That place was quite desolate and the building (with4 flats) was called Booth (as in Ghost , not the famous assassin) Bungalow. She would see scorpions and snakes and either drive them away or very calmly call the watchman.
In the weekly bus trips to market she would lug the maximum amount of vegetables , in spite of having a congenital birth defect where she could not straighten her elbows completely. She didn't think herself handicapped and did more than most able bodied women do. My siblings and I had varied tastes. my mom would make 3 different tiffins for us, all by 6 AM. She of course was our alarm clock. This meant a few occasions when I was woken up at 3.25 to catch my local to my college in Sion for my Science practicals, because she in her grogginess saw it as 5.15.
She adjusted herself extremely well to all weathers, cuisines and cultures. She had the knack of getting along with all the maids, watchmen, plumbers, electricians etc. They would turn up for my mom on time, even if they didn't when my sis in law called them. My sis in law called Mogha Rashi.
And believe me, I have seen it at work.
In her later years she developed Diabetes. Now her doctor became her good friend. He called her his model patient. She was fiercely independent in her own way. She looked after herself, taking her medicines in time. We didn't have to hide the sweets or the sugar box. She went for two long walks. one to Marudeeswarar temple in the evening and another one round the block to say hi to her boy friends, the neighbourhood vegetable vendor, grocer, milkman, carpenter, plumber etc. Even when frail, she was easy to look after. My Dad generally got all the kudos from his relatives. My mom deserved it even more. Maybe they saw her as an outsider always. She was very simple, guileless and generally meek around them in the beginning.
After my dad passed away, she became even more independent. She stayed alone and managed almost everything. She went for her check ups and made sure she cooked proper meals and not some lame duck one just because she had to cook for her one person.
My father's death followed by Ganesh's sudden demise at 45 took its toll on her mentally. She suffered a massive heart attack and was in and out of consciousness for 21 days. She not only survived but built her health back. After this , she could not stay alone. She shifted in with me in 2002 and stayed until she died peacefully in 2008. I was surprised at the number of people who turned up on that day. Entire house staff in the apartment apart from my friends and relatives had come without any intimation from me. They had all seen her on her walks or spoken to her sometime or the other. She was 73 and went gently in her sleep.
I have started walking like her, yawning like her and looking like her. I am pretty happy about it. Hope I get her energy as well.
She was a feisty kid brought up in Kolkata for her formative years. She did extremely well especially in that haloed subject , Maths or Kanakku as all TamBrahms know it. She always got 100 out of 100.
World War 2 arrived and Kolkata was not considered safe anymore So my Grandpa sent his family back to his village when she was around 12 years old. Since the village did not have a secondary school, her education stopped after 8th standard. She was soon married off and that put an end to any expression of her feistiness as well.
Soon she was in Delhi and then at the age of eighteen my dear brother Ganesh was born. Two years later Ramesh and then another five years later, moi arrived. Looking after the brood in addition to unmarried sister in laws, father inlaws and motherless nieces meant that my mother had no breathing time. All this changed by the time I was three. Our fortunes also seemed to have changed since I don't remember any tough times which my brothers sometimes recall.
My mother brought me up to think that I was as good as my brothers. I had no concept of gender inequality and still cannot relate to it on a very personal level. My husband is an opionated person, but equally unfair to all genders. my son is actually a firm believer and practices gender equality. he goes dutch irrespective of the dining companion's gender. If there is peep about them paying, he gladly accepts. I have also learnt that lesson from him. Now back to my mom.
She was fearless. My father shifted to become a professor in Mumbai. That place was quite desolate and the building (with4 flats) was called Booth (as in Ghost , not the famous assassin) Bungalow. She would see scorpions and snakes and either drive them away or very calmly call the watchman.
In the weekly bus trips to market she would lug the maximum amount of vegetables , in spite of having a congenital birth defect where she could not straighten her elbows completely. She didn't think herself handicapped and did more than most able bodied women do. My siblings and I had varied tastes. my mom would make 3 different tiffins for us, all by 6 AM. She of course was our alarm clock. This meant a few occasions when I was woken up at 3.25 to catch my local to my college in Sion for my Science practicals, because she in her grogginess saw it as 5.15.
She adjusted herself extremely well to all weathers, cuisines and cultures. She had the knack of getting along with all the maids, watchmen, plumbers, electricians etc. They would turn up for my mom on time, even if they didn't when my sis in law called them. My sis in law called Mogha Rashi.
And believe me, I have seen it at work.
In her later years she developed Diabetes. Now her doctor became her good friend. He called her his model patient. She was fiercely independent in her own way. She looked after herself, taking her medicines in time. We didn't have to hide the sweets or the sugar box. She went for two long walks. one to Marudeeswarar temple in the evening and another one round the block to say hi to her boy friends, the neighbourhood vegetable vendor, grocer, milkman, carpenter, plumber etc. Even when frail, she was easy to look after. My Dad generally got all the kudos from his relatives. My mom deserved it even more. Maybe they saw her as an outsider always. She was very simple, guileless and generally meek around them in the beginning.
After my dad passed away, she became even more independent. She stayed alone and managed almost everything. She went for her check ups and made sure she cooked proper meals and not some lame duck one just because she had to cook for her one person.
My father's death followed by Ganesh's sudden demise at 45 took its toll on her mentally. She suffered a massive heart attack and was in and out of consciousness for 21 days. She not only survived but built her health back. After this , she could not stay alone. She shifted in with me in 2002 and stayed until she died peacefully in 2008. I was surprised at the number of people who turned up on that day. Entire house staff in the apartment apart from my friends and relatives had come without any intimation from me. They had all seen her on her walks or spoken to her sometime or the other. She was 73 and went gently in her sleep.
I have started walking like her, yawning like her and looking like her. I am pretty happy about it. Hope I get her energy as well.
