I am hardly 50 (Ahem). My son is 24, has a good job, lives on his own in a different continent and is self sufficient. I had spent more than fifty percent of this first two thirds of my life being a caregiver to son, mom, uncle etc. My husband is poorly trained in domestic matters. He did manage to live off frozen foods and eating out when he was in the US.
Recently I hopped over to my son's continent and spent a month there. I was on the receiving end being told to eat properly, comb my hair etc, all arising out of the immense affection and the fear of being mortified in front of friends. My cook quit on me about six months back. So hubby was on his own. Alas. India too has its myriad frozen, vacuum packed microwaveable everything. So now that little edge I had of being superior when it came to domestic matters has been nullified.
My work is enjoyable and all, nut not exactly transformational. So now I sit and wonder , what is it that I can do which no one else can. I have been giving money to what I feel are deserving charities. I can set up a trust and that can go on without my presence.
I am not depressed. I am contemplative though. I am happy that I have managed to become redundant. The existential question has hence seized me for the moment. I try to avoid it by Pranayama, online activities, phone calls , acting as agony aunt etc. But it EXISTS. Two of my mentors passed away soon after very monumnetal events in their kid's life , like marriage, going away from house etc. Their souls seemed to be instinctive about their usefulness. mine is not so eveolved. So you will hear from me in a few weeks for sure.
Recently I hopped over to my son's continent and spent a month there. I was on the receiving end being told to eat properly, comb my hair etc, all arising out of the immense affection and the fear of being mortified in front of friends. My cook quit on me about six months back. So hubby was on his own. Alas. India too has its myriad frozen, vacuum packed microwaveable everything. So now that little edge I had of being superior when it came to domestic matters has been nullified.
My work is enjoyable and all, nut not exactly transformational. So now I sit and wonder , what is it that I can do which no one else can. I have been giving money to what I feel are deserving charities. I can set up a trust and that can go on without my presence.
I am not depressed. I am contemplative though. I am happy that I have managed to become redundant. The existential question has hence seized me for the moment. I try to avoid it by Pranayama, online activities, phone calls , acting as agony aunt etc. But it EXISTS. Two of my mentors passed away soon after very monumnetal events in their kid's life , like marriage, going away from house etc. Their souls seemed to be instinctive about their usefulness. mine is not so eveolved. So you will hear from me in a few weeks for sure.
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